There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I love you. Go after that dick
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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