he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
