I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
