My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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