I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
