so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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