Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
