I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
