I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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