His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
