its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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