Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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