Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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