Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
