I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
