how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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