FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
false alarm. still invincible.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
