you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
They took my balls.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
