I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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