i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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