I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
