I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Vodka?
Forever.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
