i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
