Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
