OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
