So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
