Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
