I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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