she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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