he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
