So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
