I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
