i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You smell like stripper and shame
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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