I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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