Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
