I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
