i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
