That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
