I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
