Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
