I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
