Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
