If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Fuck appropriateness.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
