He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
we're so committed to being not committed
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
