I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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