I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
