She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
