Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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