It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
