This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
