Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
