I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
This baby is an asshole
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
