I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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