I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
