Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
