i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
They took my balls.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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