Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
