he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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