I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
