yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
