HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
