Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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