it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
