Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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