i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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