when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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