what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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