At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
